i just had sex bonerless
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am naked and annoyed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
