I cockslap morals
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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