And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
