dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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