Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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