My nipple is on Facebook.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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