My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
