I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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