One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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