i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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