Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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