I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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