We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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