the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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