I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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