At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
