I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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