Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
