nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
