We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
