I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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