He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
