My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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