her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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