Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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