so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
