i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
