So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
