my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
