Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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