omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize