i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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