i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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