youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
