I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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