people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
