i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
