I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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