did you get engaged???
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
