i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
