Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
