Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
