it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
