3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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