Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
