Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
