By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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