i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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