if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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