I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
