I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
