my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
