I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
