I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
