So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
