JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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