The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
