It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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