I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize