Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
