First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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