I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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