Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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