Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
