If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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