Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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