I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize