Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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