then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My dick has a subreddit
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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