I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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