Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
