I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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