you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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