Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
