My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
