Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
