mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
