I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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