respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
