Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Come see our sink grown plant.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
