somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
