So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
