Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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