I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
