So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
