we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
