Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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