super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
