:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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