then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
