I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
