Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
