we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
