She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize