You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize