I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
