At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
